oracle aide

February 14, 2012

Sequel: α-corp vs ß-corp

Filed under: fun, social engineering — oracleaide @ 1:00 am

Part II.
———————————————————————————————–
α-corp:
“We have a problem to solve.
Let’s drink some beer downstairs.”

———————————————————————————————–
ß-corp:
“We keep having problems.
We need to change.
Let’s be agile and mimic α-corp. (see Part I)

From now on:
— DBAs shall work as SCM;
— Developers shall work as QA;
— QA shall work as business analysts;
— Business analysts shall work as project managers;
— Project managers shall work as product managers / directors;
— The product manager / director shall study for an MBA degree (we need more literate directors, don’t we?) ;
— The Java performance engineer will do all other jobs including DBA’s (so we have our circular references in order).”

Team:
O_o !
———————————————————————————————–

α-corp (at the pub):

“With the last project we had some problems meeting deadlines and SLAs.
The idea is to replace the product manager / director with two rock star engineers:
— One to automate SCM, QA and the rest of the boring non-creative work;
— Another to reduce the code base using machine learning algorithms. ”

Product manager / Director:
“You cannot fire me.
I have the expertise and connections!
I know CTO, CFO and CEO personally!
I am a sweet guy!
I paid for team lunches (out of the corporate pocket of course)!
I make funny jokes!”

α-corp:
“Sorry, dude, you suck.
You cannot design and delegate.
You do not learn a new programming language every 6 months.
In fact you can barely code hello world in a natural language…
… et votre anglais est trop mauvais.”

The fired product manager / director joins ß-corp, gets a promotion and a free ride to an MBA degree.
———————————————————————————————–
ß-corp:
“Since pubs are too far and we all are too busy let’s have a potluck at the office.
At least it will smell like a kitchen of a real restaurant!”

———————————————————————————————–
α-corp :
“While the AI engine is refactoring our code – let’s have a post-holiday party with a live indie band, circus, fortune tellers, costumes and unlimited cotton candy for kids!”

———————————————————————————————–
Narrator’s voice:

ß-corp asset utilization is 0.05.
α-corp asset utilization is 2.5.

———————————————————————————————–
All persons fictitious disclaimer

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1 Comment »

  1. You are a regular Alexander Pushkin, w/o the duels of course.

    Comment by mfabache (@mfabache) — February 14, 2012 @ 2:02 am


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